I've Been Here Before...
…at the border of light and dark, where life meets death.
A place where everything and nothing exists, a land of the familiar and the unknown.
And every time I step upon this land, I feel all parts of me that have ever existed and all parts that have yet to be discovered.
Lives already written and those not yet created.
"I dreamt I was caught in a sandstorm. I wasn't afraid of it and when it was over I was in a foreign place. The chaos, the unknown...it all felt right and I was excited for it."
WAXING CRESCENT
“The wind is different here, it dances…”
and with it the earth yearns to join. With one gentle whisper, the wind softly asks “will you dance with me?”
with a second breath, “will you flow with me?”
and with a stronger breath, “will you release and surrender to reveal all that I have in store for you?”
With unrelenting necessity the wind demands and the earth responds, releasing and letting go, and with a final breath the wind swiftly picks up and carries the earth. What once was planted firmly in place, now dancing with the wind and roaming the earth it was once a part of.
My view fades in front of me and instead of turning around we move deeper into the unknown. Just like the earth, I decide to succumb and join the dance and towards the hazy distance ahead. The sun softens, clouded by earth’s dance through the sky and what should feel chaotic is strangely calm, have I been here before? We arrive to our destination with no view of our surroundings but the dance doesn’t stop and instead continues through the night. The whisper now a constant howling eventually lulling me into the abyss of deep slumber.
The next morning I wake up to stillness and I can finally see where we’ve arrived. Surrounded by mounds of golden earth, I climb the nearest sand dune and watch as the sun starts to rise, creating a new dance of light and dark amongst the curves of the earth and finally illuminating everything before me, including myself. A sense of peace and clarity come over me as I awaken to this new world.
WANING GIBBOUS
I was restless that early morning and it was still dark outside. I didn’t think about how cold or windy that it might be outside but I had to move so I threw on a sweater and ventured into the darkness. I was at the border of the Sahara Desert and the Atlantic Ocean with only the light of the waning moon to guide me. I climbed another steep sand dune, this time in darkness, with no idea of what would await me. At the top I reached a large plateau and walked to the other side until I reached the edge. I sat at what felt like the end of the world with the moon above me and no sign of the sun. The wind was blowing fiercely, breaking the barrier between the sweater and my skin and chilling the tears that fell down my face. Was I alone up here? I hardly knew and didn’t want to know if I wasn’t so I kept my gaze ahead of me, begging for the sun to make its arrival soon. Time moved slowly in my aloneness and I thought, I’ve definitely been here before, an all too familiar place that I thought the light had cast away. I stay with this feeling until a sliver of orange hope settled above the horizon signaling that light was coming. It always does and it’s always there even when you think it’s abandoned you for good. That morning was a slow dance, a gentle warming up, a long hug for my heart and soul, reminding me I’m not forgotten even in the most desolate of places.
NEW MOON
I woke up at the top of the tallest sand dune…and again…it’s so windy. I awaken in the sand and it feels like my home. The wind is blowing all around me and I’m just laying there, completely still, my body sunk into the earth and feeling the wind move around me. Watching as my hair dances in front of my eyes and as the hairs on my arms stand up from the chill in the air. I look out at my surroundings and in the distance there’s another sand dune. I watch intently without removing my gaze as the wind continues blowing and pushes the sand off the top of the dune. I keep watching as the wind moves the earth until the sand dune eventually collapses and creates an avalanche of sand moving like lava across the land. I stay still and keep watching as the newly formed river of sand rushes curves around the landscape. I look around me, knowing I don’t have many options of refuge. There’s a town in the distance but I can’t tell what direction the rushing sand is going and if I could even make it to the town in time. Questions flood my mind - will it hit the town in the distance? will it hit the sand dune that I made a home in? or will it bypass me all together? I stay at the top of the sand dune as the river of sand snakes around me. Completely paralyzed, I stay at the top of the sand dune that I woke up on but I’m not afraid anymore.
There’s one thing this journey has taught me - that change is constant. We can fight it or dance with it. Resist or flow with it. Hold on so tightly to the comfort of our lives that we never experience the adventure of a new place. A new love or a new home.
Life contains dualities. Opposites. Light with dark. Stillness in chaos. Tears and uncontrollable laughter. The promise of the sun’s arrival in the night. A place where dreams merge with reality. So I surrender to the unknown, to the wind and wherever it may carry me.
I’ve been here before…